Vision Quest

Getting Lasik'd is like how i imagine all surgury is inside a Phillip K. Dick novel. You look at a light, and it spins, and then you go into a darker room and another doctor has you look into another, different colored light, and it doesn't spin it just kind of goes in and out of focus a couple times. Then you take 2 pills, and are given a Tylonol PM for later and informed, while you're still sober, that you are not to rub your eyes for ever. Then, waiting.

After the waiting, Dr. Will, a powerful wizard from Magic Lands, comes in. This is the exciting part.

The surgery itself is more of the same, but now you are high. Also, they put uncomfortable plastic over your eye to keep it from blinking, and also they shoot it with lazors. This is described as an "uncomfortable pressure feeling", which is certainly accurate. I was reminded to breathe, and did so with such vigor I'm lucky I didn't float off.

The kicker is, now that your protective layer around the eye has been ruthlessly cut by uncaring photons, you are asked to Get Up and Walk to another room, for round 2 of surgery. At this point, my vision was quite bad.

Wash, rinse, repeat. Lie down, apply plastic, Stare up, look at blinking light, oh my god it's full of stars, and then your protective flap is reapplied. This room had music, though, which featured "margaritaville", an aspect I found pretty funny.

As I write this, my vision is getting stronger. So far, blood has not shot out of my retinas in any meaningful fashion despite my best efforts to completely undo the day's surgery.

In a couple of days, this will have been an excellent investment of other people's money.